This past week has been a swirl of hope, questions, and quiet wrestling.
A new job posting caught my eye—one that felt like it fit. Not flashy or brand new, but like a good pair of broken-in shoes. The kind that still look sharp but have been shaped by real life. They’ve walked through things. And somehow, that made me think: maybe this is for me.
I find myself getting hopeful about these things. I hope, I sense, I dream, and sometimes I just plain wish. This job pays significantly better than where I’m at now—and that’s a hard thing to ignore when you’re feeling crushed under the weight of debt and the consequences of poor decisions made during seasons of depression or mania.
But I still ask: Will this fix anything?
Or maybe… Am I supposed to stay where I am and trust God here?
The job I have now pays less, comes with risk of layoffs, and asks for a lot. But it’s also comfortable. I know the people. I’ve built something here. It’s not easy to walk away from that, even when things don’t feel sustainable. I find myself torn between staying in what’s familiar or stepping into something unknown—something that might offer a new chapter but comes without the same sense of certainty.
This is the hard part of faith:
The waiting.
The not knowing.
The sitting in the tension between contentment and longing.
It’s hard not to try and steer things myself—leaning into my instincts, my feelings, the timing that seems to make the most sense to me. But that’s the crux of faith, isn’t it? Learning to trust even when we don’t see the whole plan. Even when nothing changes. Even when we’re afraid it might not ever change.
I want to be faithful in this season… but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid.
Afraid of missing the right opportunity.
Afraid of choosing wrong.
Afraid that if things don’t improve, I might start to lose trust altogether.
It’s a constant battle in my mind—between belief and doubt, action and surrender. But through it all, I’m trying to hold onto this: God sees the full picture. He hasn’t forgotten me. And maybe, just maybe, even in this uncertain in-between, He’s still working something good.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
— Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV)
Prayer:
Lord, in these in-between moments, when my heart aches with uncertainty and my thoughts run in circles, help me stay faithful in the small things. Teach me to trust You—not just with the big decisions, but with the everyday struggles, doubts, and hopes. Strengthen my faith where it feels fragile. Remind me that You are working even in the waiting, and that Your path is still being shaped—one quiet, obedient step at a time. Amen.